There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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