I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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