He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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