She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You have to summon your inner elephant
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
