Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
