He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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