the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
