I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
