i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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