i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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