i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
