they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
