he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
