this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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