he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize