how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
