census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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