Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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