is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
