All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
