Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
