MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
