hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
