dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
