i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
