Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
