No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
