I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
