is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
