my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
