It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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