He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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