Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
