With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
