I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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