It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
should my penis look like a turkey
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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