Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
