I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
