so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
