For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
