i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
