I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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