I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
