Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
