the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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