eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Sober January is a disaster.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
