Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize