We won't sleep together?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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