I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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