last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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