I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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