MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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