I look better un-naked...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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