she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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