But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
