It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
