Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
