i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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