An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
