I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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