New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He felt like a one man threesome
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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