and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
