Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
