If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
