I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
