Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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