I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
