Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
