I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
