If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
